Death where is thy sting?
The first of January 2014 saw my family with a lot of heartache. Saying goodbye to a loved one is never easy. With death comes darkness. Dark emotions. Broken hearts. Mourning for a life that once was... With my grandfather dying it came with lots of trips to the hospital. Lots of sad prayers. Endless hours worrying about him. Worrying about my mom. Worrying if the nurses were making sure he was warm enough. Worrying if the nurses would clean him when he couldn't help himself. Worrying that they remembered to check his water for his oxygen before they changed shifts. Worrying about his drip and if it was empty of the meds and if the doctor had put a new bag on his drip because boy we sure could see the difference if they had forgotten to give him a new one. Watching him struggle to drink water. He hated drinking even the smallest amount of water as it would make him cough and choke.
I had been fulling my time with catching up on my scrap booking when I wasn't at the hospital. My best friend Jo, then told me to make a page for Gugs. Man, why didn't I think of that? Scrap booking is my therapy. It's my way to leave this world... To escape the thoughts, noises, worries and hardships of this world. Doing a page for Gugs... Now that was a brilliant idea. I knew exactly which paper I wanted to use. A few months ago I had gone to just have a quick look at the scrap book shop and I fell in love with this paper. I decided that whatever I was going to do with this paper, I was making sure it was for a special use. This was a special use. So, I got on it. 2 hours later, I was done. I just needed to print the photos and I could go and show it to Gugs.
Gugs was running out of time. I raced to the shop printed the photos and raced to the hospital. He was sleeping... Yay, I could focus on finishing the page before he woke up.
When he was a wake all he wanted to do was hold a hand...any hand. As long as he was alive he wanted to cling to us. Make sure our faces, our touch, were burned into his memory. On days that he had a bit of strength he would hold my hand and every now and again he would give a little squeeze. Personally, I think he did this as he knew he'd get a reaction out of me. A smile. A wink. A squeeze back. Yes, right up until the very end he was positive and full of jokes. I managed to get the page done and still have time to sit and watch him sleep. Watch as I saw him slowly, very slowly slip from us. He was changing colour. He slept all the time. Close friends had already come to say their final goodbyes.
He woke up and acknowledged I was there, asking for my hand. Before I held onto his hand I was so excited to show him my page. I showed him.... But I didn't get the reaction I wanted. I just got a slight nod of the head. How foolish I had been...I could of held onto his hand for another 2 minutes, a hand I will never get to hold again. Needless to say I looked at my mom and said that it was ok. I put the pages down and held onto his hand as he drifted off to sleep again. I knew I wouldn't see my Gugs again.
I remember my dad phoning me in the morning of the first of January and saying "Trace, I just want to prepare you. I think today is the day we say goodbye to Gugs. "I agreed and made plans to go and wait at my parents home for whatever they needed... My mom needed me to make up the room where my uncle and cousin were going to sleep, so I got on it. I had been working and couldn't make the morning visit with my whole family. My brother had fetched my uncle and cousin from the airport and had rushed them to the hospital. Gugs was waiting to say goodbye to them. My family had joined them there.
It wasn't long before my family arrived back home. Uncle John and Kel had stayed at the hospital just a little longer to spend some alone time with our sleeping Gugs. In true Gugs form, he had to be holding someone's hand. I'm so grateful that Kel and uncle John stayed behind because while holding Gugs' hand, he died, very peacefully. He left this world, he knew that he was loved. He knew that his family were there with him.
He left this world with us in it. He left behind people who loved him... He left us with dark emotions. He left us with broken hearts. He left us mourning his loss. Of course none of those feelings were his fault, but they were there. The tears we cried to remind us of our loss. The shell of a home that was now empty. He came into this world naked. And naked he left this world.
1 Cor 15:55-58
"O Death, where is your sting? O Hades, where is your victory?" The sting of death is sin, and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of The Lord, knowing that your labour is not in vain in The Lord.
Throughout this all, I was reminded over and over again that this world is not my home. God has a plan and a purpose for me being in this world. My purpose is to do His will. To be steadfast and immovable in His word, His love and His guidance. That I am to be giving Him the glory through everything I do, at worship, at work, at home and at play.
I take comfort in knowing that my Savior watches over me and knows my every care and worry.
Luke 12:7
But the very hairs on your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than any sparrows.
Instead of doing all that worrying... I should have been down on my knees, casting my worries onto The Lord.
Phil 4:6-7
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace that surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Jesus Christ.
I know if I was casting more prayers, putting my worries and concerns for my family in Gods hands, it would have opened up place for Him to work with me. I'd be allowing Him to take control of the wheel so that He could comfort me, and in return that I could comfort my family with better wisdom and understanding.
2 Cor 1:3-4
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
To worry is to waste time. I could have been more use to my family by comforting them.
Death has taught me some valuable life lessons... Especially in my spiritual life. One thing I know is... Once I have finished traveling through this land I will spend eternity either praising God or praising the devil. The choice is mine. No one else is going to carry me or protect me... I have to get myself to one of those places... I have to answer to God one day just like Gugs will have to answer when Christ returns... Just like you will have to answer...
Once death has come.. Where will you be?
I want to be as Paul was...
2 Tim 4:6-8
Paul had faith in where he was going. He knew a crown is waiting for him. I want to have that faith. I want to get to heaven. And I need to turn my worries and concerns, heart ache and dark emotions into prayers so that I can help and comfort others in their times of need...
In Him always,
Trace
Taken a week before Gugs died...
